i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
