and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Green mimosas i think yes
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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