Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
