If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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