I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
PANTIES FOUND
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