Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
