My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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