What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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