i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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