at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I would fuck him just for his dog
Randomize
