She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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