i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
