three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Too much gin, very little bucket
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
