cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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