I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
