yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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