I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
