I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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