The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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