Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
