My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
