Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Randomize
