There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
