On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
