He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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