i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
