sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
