Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
