well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
