bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
