So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
