I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
