There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
