all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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