This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
