is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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