I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
