he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
