There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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