He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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