he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
