I cockslap morals
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
