I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
