I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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