I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You made out with two different species that night
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
