My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
