Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
