It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
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I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
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I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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