How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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