oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
