meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
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Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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