just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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