I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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