If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I wish there were birth control emojis
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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