I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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