you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
