I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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