Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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